Well done on writing what must have been a difficult post, I-Did-It.
Gambling will always have a hold on us until we surrender and admit that we are totally powerless over the addiction.
I always said “I know I become powerless when I gamble ” but I think part of my brain believed that somewhere deep down I actually could have limited control.
It was only when I listened around the rooms at GA meetings that the proverbial penny dropped and I fully accepted
a) Compulsive gamblers NEVER win. (Ergo, why gamble?)
b) No “barrier” will prevent a CG from gambling until our mindset changes.
c)There is no need to struggle with “urges”if we turn things around to the point where we make gambling an impossibility.
You summed it up in one word.
“Access”
As well as access to the Gambling Site, you also had access to money.
Maybe it is time to surrender all access to money and to the “weapons” that allow you to gamble i.e phone, laptop, ipad
Giving those to your husband to lock away at night might be a start.
After my huge loss, I gave my husband the lead for the lap top every night and told him to hide it away. He had no clue why. I just said “I’m spending too much time online during the night”.
You CAN stop gambling I- did -it.
Every time I gambled I was convinced “This is my life. I will never be able to change it”
I did change it
“I -did -it”
So can you!
