Here I am.
I had my talk.
This time it was my talk cause I said what I had in my head and in my heart.
It was quiet.
I said I couldn’t keep for myself that I know he gambled and is still gambling. He had that dark look I hate and didn’t reply.
I told him that deep inside I wished he chose me over gambling. That I know he never chose to have this addiction and understand that he is not ready yet for a change.
His only answer was silence then saying he chose me and that he gambled in fact. Always that dark look… He added I will get used to his silence and won’t ask anymore. I finally clearly pronounced the words that the situation doesn’t suit me and that I want to break up.
I wrote down all the websites and institutions he can reach to get help. Gave him that paper with a big hug. Wished him to taste the happiness of a gamble free life.
And here I am. Alone in my bed. I have that peace I made the right choice.
I am seeing a therapist tomorrow. I think I am even ready to share my story with some close friends.
I still have that slight hope our break up would make him fight to get out but I am ready to give up on that dream.
Thank you for everyone that red my story. I hope my voice helped you feel less lonely. I am still in love with a gambler but my journey is over.