Thank you very much as always…
To give an update, I gave him back his credit cards yesterday. He was nervous and upset because there were only 300 euros left and it was not enough for a rent (I took his participation to our rent this month as he asked me but that didn’t seem to please him…).
He never directly asked me for money but have shown me that he wanted financial help (though when I suggest to help, he refuses at the beginning and accepts when I insisted). I only gave him money without asking when I didn’t know about his addiction. Till now, he never reimbursed me.
Later yesterday night, I went to see him and told him that I am here to help. He nodded and almost ignored me.
I know some of the money is going to be gambled today but I also think he will book an hotel with some of it for the upcoming days. When we received his salary this month, I wired 400 euros to one of his old friends that I personnaly know (Strange for a gambler to give his money while indebted, right? / He was happy to be able to help his friend for once as it was “I think” his first savings ever). Maybe he will get it back to rent a flat or probably will it be when he receives his salary.
I am sad to know he gambles again. I am afraid the addiction is going to dig him deeper and deeper again. I am sad to see him leave our place. I am disappointed. But, well, I understood that if he doens’t want of my help, I can’t force him. I understood that the only time he “really” asked for my help was when he was in the middle of a crisis (not a penny left).
A part of me is afraid I misjudged him because I have mixed signs but I guess it is my love for him that is blurring the image… I can’t help but think that I was indeed very intrusive, that I didn’t pardon any of his gambles though it was small amounts comparing to before, that he really gambled on his own to give me back what he lost…
I decided I am letting him do whatever seems right to him.
I hope he will remember me with nice thoughts…