hi Edhavana,
the past has happened and no way to change it. what you can change is what you are doing now and what you will do to prevent it from happening again. this is what is important now. don’t give up, you have done really well by staying 5 months free of gambling. check what went wrong.. what caused this relapse and plan on how to prevent it in the future.
I know it sucks, I been there many many many times. but we have to start over and learn from our mistakes.
I have been exactly in this situation many times, if I got unexpected money, as a bonus check, or if I applied for a loan to buy a car or something, as soon as the money is in my account the urges will start and will not stop until I give it up all to gambling…., I have relapse 12 days ago and I have received my salary before 2 days, the money came in and the urges started with it. our drug is the money so don’t keep any extra money with you.
for credit\debit card you can just scratch the 3 digits in the back then you can’t use them online, or bock them and order new and scratch the new if you have it autosaved or if you still can remember the 3 digits.
put a web blocker, I am using coldturkey blocker it is hard to switch it off.
and the main thing is to limit your access to money, the easiest way is to give control to your partner or to a family member.
one more thing I can really relate to in your post is doing well for few days and losing everything in few hours, my analysis to this in my case that my brain was screaming I need a rest but the addiction was keeping me in the game until a point where my brain figure out the solution to this situation is to lose everything so he can rest and survive.