Day#10
much better today I did the right things, I was a bit more productive in work.
the barriers saved me today I have received my salary and immediately get rid of it. “I am smiling from using such words like “get rid of it” about my salary. who could have guessed that I will reach in my life to a point that I am afraid of money and I need to get rid of it as soon as possible?
anyhow to this after paying all the bills, installments, and transferring an amount for saving, I kept what I need for the rest of the month plus some more for any emergency.
and guess what, the f****** urges started!! after all the suffering that I have passed through recently!! just a small amount of money triggered me….then the recalculation & budget squeezing started and I figured out that I can use 800$.
fortunately, I have no way to put that money in trading because I have closed the trading accounts, and I scratched all my cards so I am safe.
to the irony, after running all the options in my head and surrendering to the fact that the only way is to order a replacement card and this will take a week so I have surrendered to the fact that I can’t proceed, and then I had this big smile on my face I don’t know it is because I survived this time or because I have remembered how f******up my brain is. anyhow, one of my colleagues noticed the big smile and asked me what happen, I told him I just won 800$.