hey MurrS7. I couldn’t resist but to say some thing after reading your posts. I know it’s really hard on you at the moment and I wish I could do more than just words but words can be powerful and I sincerely hope you will get to see what most of us are telling you. The very first step you need to take right now is give your finances to any one you trust. IF you can’t give it to your parents or share about addiction with them, then try to convince your gf if she is some one who you trust with money and let her know she can have access to your finances. If she really wants to help you, she might accept it. IF not her, then please consider giving it to some one you fully trust.
you keep mentioning about being dead inside but I want to remind you that you are still very much alive and there is hope until you are. Don’t take life for granted man. I understand you are in huge debt but it can be paid off with time. It’s not the end of the world. Focus on keeping your job at the moment. Credit card companies are not holding gun on you to pay all debt at once. I still remember receiving a $20k bill from hospital 6 years ago when I had to be taken to hospital by ambulance in the middle of night. I had severe asthma and allergies of the worst kind back then and I couldn’t breathe at all ( heart rate at 160 at the time when paramedics arrived). they kept me there for 3 days and gave me this huge bill. I had lost all hope. my health was deteriorating and i had this bill. Fast forward 6 years, I’m debt free and my health is much much better now ( I’ve been consistently getting my allergy shots for the last 4-5 years with some gaps in between) the point of the story was to tell you to never ever lose hope because you can change your life with consistency. I am only 5 days GF at the moment but I keep reminding myself one day at a time and focus on what you still have. You have your job, you are alive, you have roof over your head, you have food, you have family and basic necessities in life. We all need help from time to time. There’s no shame in getting help, so I commend you for taking the decision to visit rehab center. you just have to be consistent with this now. Stick to the plan and forget about chasing the loss. Be thankful and grateful to seeing each day in your life. Time will heal your wound. give yourself another chance and please stick to the plan. People here criticized plaza but I don’t think he meant any harm for you. he just seems very upset with you after repetitive mistakes. We all have different personalities with the same gambling addiction ( current or past), so each one of us will have different views but we are all on the same side in the same boat. I hope you will take my advice seriously. I don’t want my progress only, but I want your progress too and I want every one on here to make it to the other side of the tunnel where you have gambling free life.
