Hi H
I am not going to call you Hopeless because I know that it is within your power to start a true recovery. Only you can make that true start but I know you can, or I wouldn’t be writing to you.
Nobody here will be saying that the journey is easy, however, it is worth the fight and the joy you mentioned will be yours for the taking. Yesterday’s slip belongs in yesterday; there is no point in saying ‘what if’ or ‘if only’ because you can’t change yesterday but you can use the memory of that slip to work for you. Use it as a reference when you look back at the journal you are creating here.
Have you spoken to a friend yet about taking over the account and closing it for you? Walk away from it now and let me know how you are progressing.
Velvet