Hi Again Margie
I can only think of one adult child of a compulsive gambler, Twilight, who was a member here about 4 or 5 years ago and who stayed on to help others, even after she had moved on with her life. Most F&F members stop posting once they had found the answers they are looking for; they just want to leave all the bad memories behind and move on.
Twilight’s whole life had been affected by her father’s addiction but talking in this forum and in the groups helped her get her life into perspective. Twilight went on to write the book ‘Please Girl’ and she has since written another book called Please Girls’ Secrets. Twilight did become part of some sort of action group and was giving public talks, in Florida, about living with the addiction. Sadly, I lost her email address and I have not heard from her recently.
I remember another member who trained as a counsellor after being here with who set up her practice in New Zealand but I have no updates on her unfortunately.
I went on to qualify as a therapist because I experienced the fallout from 25 years of gambling. After about 23 years, I had morphed into a blob with no self-esteem, or confidence, or strength to fight another battle and I still didn’t know anything about the addiction to gamble. I saw general counsellors and a psychiatrist but I only ended up being more confused and more convinced the problem was me – they did not understand the addiction to gamble. I finally joined Gam-Anon which is the sister group of GA where I met someone who understood what I was saying and I found, just as you said, I didn’t have to explain the environment of living with a gambler. The woman who saved me was married for many years to a compulsive gambler but she had studied and learned about the addiction and how it affected different people – not just a spouse. She had moved out of the shadow and was living in the light. She didn’t need to stay with Gam-Anon but she wanted to help others and I believe she also wanted to pass the baton because she was ready to retire.
I didn’t know for a very long time that I was ready to take up the baton. I am sure I took me longer than most to come to terms with my experience and most of the time I just did not believe what I was hearing. I didn’t want to go into GA (which my Gam-Anon group did occasionally) but in the end I did and for the first time I heard other people talking about their experience as active gamblers – it was an eye-opener and I never looked back.
I wanted to make a difference and with that in my mind I successfully completed an addiction to counselling course which eventually brought me here, first as a member and then as a moderator/ facilitator.
Please don’t feel guilty about letting lose on the forum, it was me who misunderstood what it was that you really wanted to talk about. I do not dwell in my past but I am more than willing to use it for reference only.
If you would like to talk to me more and/or if I am saying anything now that makes more sense to you, I hope you will post again and/or join me in another F&F group. Our Helpline is there for you too if you want more help on where to go with what is specifically worrying you.
Never give up – there is always someone, somewhere who understands. I took me far too long to find that out but I got there in the end.
As Ever
Velvet
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