Hi Kei
Your brother’s lies and actions will get worse the longer he is protected by loved ones feeling embarrassed or ashamed and feeling that they need to protect him.
Your mum probably feels guilty that her son has this addiction and possibly thinks it is something to do with what she has said and done or not said and done. She probably feels she is the only one who can save him and the only one who should suffer because in some way it must be her fault.
I am the mother of a compulsive gambler and I know all that your mum is feeling and thinking because I thought and felt it too. My son did turn his life around after many years but in the end it was not me that saved him. All my loving and pleading changed nothing.
My son went on the Gordon Moody programme, details of which can be found on our Helpline and/or from me.
What I have learned from my son who has a been living a wonderful gamble-free life for many years now, in control of his addiction is, that as long as I enabled he had no incentive to stop gambling. I fed his addiction because I was full of guilt, embarrassment and shame. As he later said, I did all the wrong things for all the right reasons.
The addiction to gamble is neither asked for, wanted, or deserved, by anybody and that includes your parents; you and your brother. Guilt stops loved ones doing the right thing and it is unnecessary. Embarrassment and shame stop loved ones doing the right thing and it is unnecessary. I would love for your mother to come and communicate with me in a group on a Tuesday or Thursday evening. She will be anonymous, I will not know her, so there is no need for her to be embarrassed but she would be ‘talking’ to someone who understands her and who has stood in her shoes.
Would your brother’s boss be willing to talk to your brother about his behaviour and direct him to good support? Is he someone you can talk to about your concerns?
I will leave you with these thoughts for now Kei
Speak soon
Velvet