Hi Marge
You have my little grey cells working overtime!
The image of the universal mother with flour on her nose, a ready smile and the ability to love unconditionally is sadly not shared by all and often denied by children who feel that it is somehow their fault that they were not good enough.
Parenting is not easy and some parents never seem to get the hang of it. Probably all the problems could be traced back to a father’s/mother’s father/mother and then his father/mother, etc. etc but I don’t think it helps an abused/neglected child to be interested in the whys and wherefores of the lives of those who went before, the ones who had their chance to get it right and blew it.
I would imagine your fate was determined before you were born and it would not have mattered what you did or how wonderful you were, you were not going to get the love and care you deserved.
I am sure I am thinking something that has crossed your mind many times, even though you have not expressed it in your posts. You and your sisters are not sons! Maybe I am wrong and I will stand corrected if that is the case but here in the UK we have had a king who divorced and beheaded his wives for not bearing the required son. If this has been your parent’s problem then there was nothing you could do about it but be the butt of their anger and disappointment and they should be ashamed.
You are good enough Margie and I believe, that for you to feel as you do then your parents were very wrong. I would have been proud to have a daughter like you.
I don’t know if I can be considered a respected source, my life experiences have included one divorce; a second incredibly happy marriage where I asked all the right questions in advance; an incredibly intelligent, patient father who taught me everything that I think is important; a mother who tried her best when I was almost certainly not the easiest and three children, one of whom is a compulsive gambler albeit happily in control of his addiction.
How can I validate your belief that your parents behaved unacceptably?
‘If’ I can be considered a respected source Margie, based on all your posts, I would definitely validate your belief that your parent’s behaviour was unacceptable. We all deserve praise when we get it right and kind, constructive and forgiving censure when we get it wrong.
I have been saddened by your posts but I also feel a great hope that you can and will put your childhood behind you because you have made the effort to reach out. Somewhere in your mind you knew you were right.
I’m not sure your mother should get more condemnation than your father. ‘If’ having a son has been the cause of all this misery then the problem lay with him and not with her – if only British queens had know this! This conjecture only works, however, if the sex of their children was the root of all their anger.
My groups are on Tuesday and Thursday evenings 19.00-20.00 hours UK time. It would be great to ‘meet’ you.
I await your reply with interest
As Ever
Velvet