Velvet,
Many thanks for the thoughtful response. I am so glad I found this site.
One of the things I have a problem with, and I know it’s mine, is that I appreciate that, under different circumstances, my father might have had a wonderful and happy life.
I have a chicken-and-egg situation, in many ways. My father’s father was a alcoholic, and their family life was quite disturbing. People left as soon as they could. If he had not married my mother, he might have been ok. She was very demanding and controlling, esp. about money, so I suspect that’s when his gambling started again after I was born. She abused prescription methanphetamines, and her main emotion was anger. At everyone, for ruining her life.
So, as the oldest, I stepped in. Talked to the bank VP when my father wrote fraudulent checks, etc. always the adult. Frankly, I have anger when people tell me to have sympathy for either parent. I lived my life taking care of my sisters, covering my parents messes, including their jail time.
In the meantime, I graduated from a top university in Canada, got a job, climbed the ladder, went to graduate school, honor society, and retired and am writing a children’s book. My first long-term partner (19 years) was an alcoholic. I felt bad about that, until I learned that this is not uncommon. My sisters have MBAs, PhDs, are married and appear ok, although on handfuls of anti-anxiety and anti-depressants.
I just want to forget every minute in that place with my parents.