Hi Kei
Well done writing what must have been a really, difficult post – I recognised every detail of your brother’s behaviour.
There is a lot to say and I may not get it all into this initial reply but please keep posting – and never give up.
The addiction to gamble is not about money; it is all about the ‘gamble’. The excitement it engenders in your brother will be confusing and overwhelming, he will not understand it. He may have won money in the early days but sadly he would have lost himself. The nature of his addiction meant that once it had a grip on him, he couldn’t walk away. He will be living with constant failure, destroying his self-esteem and confidence because he will always lose. The only way your brother knows how to cope with his problem is to lie but his lies have got bigger and more extreme and he believes them. With this denial of truth comes the arrogance, the swagger and the anger that causes you to back away.
I am sure you are already aware that living without paying anything towards his board is enabling your brother’s addiction but I am wondering if your parents are afraid to tackle this.
It is so important that your parents know they are not to blame for their son’s problem and to know that they have done nothing wrong. Please tell them that their son can learn to control his addiction or I would not be here writing to you.
If your mother loses her health, she will not be able to help herself or her son. Please tell her about this site which has a wonderful Helpline which is one-to-one and anonymous. We have the F&F groups where you will all be welcome and where we can communicate openly and privately with nothing appearing on the forum. We also have this forum.
Do you have other siblings, or uncles that will stand united with you to protect your parents from what amounts to a form of bullying. The bullying is probably not deliberate but is the result of an unhappy man in a cycle of addiction that he doesn’t know how to control.
If your brother will listen, we have brilliant ‘gambler only’ group facilitated by Charles where he will be supported and understood. Our Helpline is there for him too. If he is so sure of himself, it can be argued that he nothing to lose by trying.
I suspect all of you feel alone but none of you are. Help is here. Help is in GA for your brother and Gam-Anon is there for you and your mum.
Please keep purses, bank cards, cash and valuables hidden from your brother, his addiction will take you all the way down to the bottom with him if you allow it. I know just how scary this all sounds but it seems to me that your brother’s unacceptable behaviour demands some serious attention.
35 is a good age to change one’s life, your brother has enough wreckage behind him but a whole lot of life ahead to him to happily live gamble-free.
I am going to stop this first reply here and wait to hear from you.
I know this only touches the edge of the problem but I want you to know I am listening, nothing is off limits and I really do understand.
Velvet