Hi Newshoulder,
It is a journey, and none of us are perfect. There will always be temptation, there will always be stress in our lives.
I remember thinking that once I stopped gambling my life would be all roses and rainbows. LOL
Here’s the thing.
Once you stop, you become present in your own life.
You begin to think rationally. You can deal with life’s dramas, big or small in a healthy way. You can think clearly, and it will make the biggest difference in your life.
I missed so much of my kids lives, especially my daughter who’s the oldest. She was almost 18 when I found this site, and this year she will be 30 (which actually blows my brain) my first exclusion was done on her 18 th birthday.
This addiction took my home which I had to sell to pay for my debts. Even after that I still gambled the money we made on the house away. It took me a long time to let it go. It’s not easy to think of the losses.
But here’s what I gained.
My freedom, no more obsessively thinking about how I was going to gamble.
Yes, more money….but there’s still always times when I don’t quite have enough. It’s amazing what you spend when it’s not going to a venue. I hadn’t bought myself anything, clothes, homewares, etc for years. My kids actually got decent Christmas and birthday presents, not the cheap crap I’d buy when in action. Not to mention no more fear of the postman or the phone ringing ( this was a huge one for me)
But the biggest thing I gained, was being present. Enjoying my children and now my grandchildren. Hearing them, and being there for them in every way. Enjoying time with friends, not constantly feeling sick, not being worried about how I was going to get through the week or pay my bills.
Life is always going to throw us curveballs…..that’s just life.
Gambling adds to the worry, and for me, working my recovery has given me back the most important thing of all…..ME!
So keep going, remember the feelings when you lost it all. It’s easy to forget, the addiction wants us to so we go back.
I look back now at the broken woman who found this site, screaming for help.
It wasn’t easy, and I won’t pretend it was. But my god it has been worth it. I don’t know where I would be now and I dread to think. But I do remind myself that every day for me is a gamble free one. It does get easier, gambling is a destroyer of life, it sucks out our soul and spits us out. Fight back! There’s a whole life out there waiting for you!
Love K xxx
