Hi Murr,
It’s ok brother, we all make mistakes. Sometimes over and over, which is hard but it happens. I came across your thread several days ago and have read it from beginning to end. You are STILL an inspiration to plenty of people here, because you DID it once – you can do it again! You can quit, pay off your debt and live a gambling free life.
This disease is ridiculously powerful. Never in a million years would I think so many intelligent, well educated and otherwise reasonable people would be “taken over” by this addiction. You used the term “trance”, or something similar. Not the first time I’ve read it… something about gambling poisons the brain, and turns otherwise logical people – destructive.
Anyway, I have never gambled because I have the addictive behavior – I just bring it to the gym. Sounds like you were doing that too. Make that your new addiction, and just know – we are all pulling for you!
God bless you, and may he give you strength…