Hi Josh
I see you have been contributing to ‘Our Journal’ which is great and I hope the forum has given you a greater understanding of your son’s problem. I do commend you on recognising a problem with your son who is at such a tender and impressionable age.
In my opinion, nothing helps a gambler more than hearing from other gamblers about the inherent dangers of gambling and ‘My Journal’ could be a good place for your son to start. He is probably feeling very sure of himself at the moment, convinced that he can handle his life and his behaviour – it is the prerogative of the young to feel invincible. Thankfully there are many gamblers in control of their addiction, or who are in the process of trying to control it, who are willing to point the way to young people. We have an excellent Helpline here and facilitated ‘gambler only’ groups.
What usually starts as gambling for fun with friends can quickly become something more serious without parents/friends noticing until the behaviour is embedded and addiction has reared its ugly head. Parents, naturally and understandably, believe that they are the ones who can support their child best, surely the love of a parent must conquer all but it is seldom so. You cannot ‘make sure’ that your son’s problem does not develop into something more serious. What you can do is learn as much as possible about the addiction to gamble and just be there for him without condemnation for a problem he neither asked for nor wanted.
I will leave this post here presently and give you time to respond but in the meantime, if you decide to encourage your son on to this site, it may be a good idea, if you think he could recognise you, to have your words made invisible. We have had loved ones who have read each other’s threads and reacted unfavourably. If your son seeks support, he may well wish to keep what he learns and what he says about himself, private until he is ready to talk. This is a common initial reaction. It is hard for a gambler to admit he has a real problem and the answer is often to gamble more – to prove that he is not like ‘other gamblers’ and that he knows ‘what he is doing’.
It is so important that you look after yourself at this time and allow your son to see that you are ok and that he can trust you, even though he might think that he is disappointing you. Listening to him is more important than challenging him. Directing him to good support is vital.
You are not to blame for your son’s problem, you could not have stopped him having this problem.
If there is anything I say that you are unhappy about, please come back at me
It would be great to ‘meet’ you in a group where we can communicate privately in real time and no question is out of bounds.
Velvet