I have not posted to this journal since October 2020. In November I hit another rock bottom (what is new?) and actually was able to step away for 70 days GF.
Then in January online gaming opened up in my state. I thought there would be no harm in making a few small sport bets. Then I got started getting back into my old vice of blackjack. I actually got up to a net profit of over $17k through last night but proceeded to piss away most of it today. I have a little bit of profit left. If I can find the willpower to take this profit and step away it would be a huge turning point for me. Yes..over the past almost 3 years, I have lost a staggering amount of money (for me almost 2 years salary) and I know in my heart that money is gone. But often times before, I have built up some decent gains only to lose them plus some. A recurring theme among most of us who are compulsive gamblers.
As I look back at my journal posts over the last 2 years..there are a lot of positives but they are outweighed by negatives/relapses. I will try to at least make this current chapter a positive one.