Hello Rachel
Only you can decide whether you should leave but maybe with knowledge of the addiction to gamble you will be able to decide what is right for you..
Compulsive gamblers lie to themselves to cover for their addiction. It is easier to lie and to hope they will be left to indulge their gambling rather than face the truth over their poor behaviour and financial losses.
You said that he knew that his dad had backed a horse and I am wondering if his dad knows that his son has a serious problem. If your boyfriend is to face his demons it would be helpful if his dad supported him. Do you have a good relationships with his day, could you talk to him about your worry?
You mentioned fighting over his problem and I suspect you would now agree that the fights changed nothing. When a method of coping doesn’t work, it is time to try something different.
If you can imagine your boyfriend’s addiction as a beast in the corner of the room, ready to defend him when his gambling is questioned, I think it might help you to take the fights out of your relationship. An addiction loves a fight, it gives it a reason to carry on, it achieves nothing apart from, probably, sapping your energy and making you unhappy. Giving this beast an ultimatum and being unwilling or unable to carry it through means that it has scored a point and can lead to threats not bring taken seriously.
Maybe you could suggest that your boyfriend contacts our Helpline which is terrific. He probably feels he can stop whenever he wants to and that he has protected himself from not being able to get a mortgage in the future. Sadly, he is wrong, he can lose his home, his job and his family if he carries on as he is doing but I doubt he is prepared to hear this at the moment in time. I suggest that maybe you could tell him that you have sought support and that you are worried about him, maybe you could ask him to contact our Helpline and test his beliefs, with someone who will understand him – he has nothing to lose after all and it is anonymous.
Please don’t be deflated, you are doing well. His addiction is not your fault, nothing you could have done would have saved him, only he can do that. He can control his addiction, I know he can, or I wouldn’t be here.
He sounds confident Rachel but I suspect it to be a façade. He is controlled by an addiction to gamble which means he cannot walk away and losses are, therefore, inevitable.
Keep posting Rachel and hopefully drop in to an F&F group where we can talk in real time, they are safe, private and nothing said in a group appears on the forum. Maybe we will talk on Thursday between 7pm and 8pm, you will be very welcome.
Velvet