Yesterday I gambled online. I would love to believe it took me by surprise, but I think it has been building for awhile. I have been spending a lot of time alone usually on my phone, sometimes reading. I have been down and very negative- I can’t seem to stop complaining. I had been thinking about gambling for a bit, usually just random thoughts and rather than acknowledge how I was feeling and getting support I moved on. I am an expert at avoidance and procrastination. Nothing eventful happened yesterday to trigger me, I was really tired so had planned to go to bed early. I went on facebook and there was friends posting for bingo games so I played 3 games and “almost” won the last two. From there I decided that I would win if I tried online slots and there went the next five hours. I have been stressed about money as my husband hasn’t been working since the beginning of November so I told myself that this was an easy way to make money. Which I know isn’t true because we had enough money for our monthly bills and Christmas. I am so disgusted with myself for going so long and then messing it up. I am determined to get on track immediately. I have unfollowed all of the bingo groups that my friends added me on facebook. I have closed the online account I used last night to gamble. I am going to set limits on my phone as I spend way to much time on it.
