Welcome to the forum Palmsandsun.
I was in a similar position to you timing wise about 2 months ago, having a relapse after a decent spell gamble free. The good thing is that you have recognized you need to take action and are taking steps to do that.
I would really recommend checking out the new member’s practical advice groups held on Mondays and Thursdays, I found those very useful.
You mentioned being worried about throwing away the money that you do currently have. To help with this, you could consider having someone you trust temporarily be responsible for your funds where you still decide when and what you spend your money on but all spend has to go through that person. If that isn’t an option or something you are comfortable with, making sure you are accountable for your spending is a good alternative, i.e. provide someone you trust with visibility of where you are spending your money.