Thanks ladies for thinking of me. My 53 rd birthday is Sunday. Maybe that’s why I was on your Mind.
I’m visiting Jen right now. I took a week off work. I didn’t get the position I interviewed for. I also interviewed with another company and was told I would get a call back but that didn’t happen either.
I have thrown myself back into meetings and have 3weeks clean as of today. I am thinking about asking someone new to sponsor me but I have to work up the courage to ask her.
I have a new insulin pump and am still adjusting to it.
I haven’t seen the fwb but did get a call from him last week. I declined when he said he could come by and see me later that night. I told him I was done. I got lectured about how he was honest from the beginning that he wanted only friendship with me. I laughed at him and told him actions are always louder than words to which he said he was planning something for my birthday but now wasn’t going to. He always knows how to hurt my feelings. We have a mutual friend that had said we would go out last weekend and celebrate my birthday but after my call with the fwb they never called me. That really depressed me but I fought the good fight and didn’t gamble over it. I guess that’s progress.
I’m back home Monday and back to work Tuesday. It’s almost unbearable there most days. I am afraid I am close to a write up as I haven’t made my new higher goal yet in the new year. I pray every day on my way into work that God will send me a new loan and account for the day. I feel Like I am at my breaking point. I Find myself frightened a lot of the time.
Visiting Jennifer is tough too. We got on the subject of God today and she is a total atheist now. Her mental health is shakey at best. I can’t help her. She has no ambition and isn’t interested in a better life for herself. I’ve drained the very last of my retirement money between my gambling exploits and keeping a roof over her head and keeping her car from the repo man. I think she will be living in it soon if she doesn’t straighten up. I’ve asked her to move back but she refuses.
I find myself very very tired these days.
I’m on my phone as she has no internet or cable. She is napping because she stays out until the bars close. I’m at my whits end.
But I am still holding on.
Bettie
