Hi Mav have only skimmed through your post, but I know mate that when you gambled it wasn’t a deliberate malicious act.
I asked myself the same questions as you did, why do we keep on doing why ffs!? Personally I think we’ll never know. Yes we are compulsive gamblers but that dosn’t explain it or excuse it. We are well aware how it will end up.
You didnt want to be in the position you are in today, that wasn’t your goal when you decided to gamble. I firmly believe that when a cg gambles it is for one reason only..because they want to. At the time we will deny this and we are convinced we just “ended up doing it” or that we coudn’t help it. This is how it feels. I know I’ve been there often enough.
But that is just one more lie, a big lie to ourselves because we cant face the truth. The truth is stupid when youve just gambled away in a matter of hours what some people earn in months. The truth just dosnt make sense does it. I used to borrow £1600 for a week and pay £2100 back….done it several times….I’d convince myself it was ok..all I had to do was win an extra £500. How fkd up is that but that was the truth. The truth is that I wanted to gamble so I did and nothing would deter me.
You do have a lot to see to mav, but you can see to it all.
Dont kid yourself with the gambling though you know it is lethal and you know it isn’t for you. You already have the foundations of your gamble free like so you can slowly build on it day by day, one at a time.
If the gambling urge does come again stop and ask yourself why have you decided to go, there and then before you go, whats the worst that’ll happen if you dont go. Its a hard thing to do, but once you’ve stopped and asked yourself you really shouldnt be able to think of one good reason to carry on and gamble. After careful consideration if you decided to go ahead and gamble then I think that would be a deliberate and malicious act.
Great to see you doing well going forward mav.
I dont come here very much these days the last three months or so have been terrible I have suffered big style for my last gambling episode. Things are very slowly improving for me and they can for you too, as long as we carry on as we are.
Good luck mate