I took an important step. I dropped out of my fantasy football league for the upcoming NFL season (assuming the season happens, who knows with coronavirus). Anyway this was the last bit of gambling that I never let go of up until this year, even though I had stopped all other gambling from 2011-2018 with a few relapses in between those years. I didn’t want to admit that my fantasy football league was gambling and it was a problem to continue it.
Well I now realize that I was lying to myself about that. I realize now that it was a problem. I was obsessive about it, and it took over 17 weeks of my life each year. It doesn’t matter that it was small stakes and only one league. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t win or lose any money until that final game at the end of the football season. It sucked me in and occupied a huge part of my existence during the season and made me a nervous wreck on many occasions. I told myself not to let go because of the social connections and fear of losing those friends. The reality is I didn’t want to let go because of the thrill of the games, I didn’t want to let go because it was gambling and I was addicted to it.
So goodbye fantasy football, I’m throwing you on the trash heap with all the other forms of my gambling addiction and not looking back.
And as of today 6/8/2020 I am 3 months gambling free. It feels great! I have support and therapy which helps tremendously. And now very importantly I have a completely honest conscience- with no exceptions.