Wow K
The ‘wow’ bit came when I saw your name in F&F – I am so pleased you knew you would get support here.
I have never heard any good evidence that the addiction to gamble is hereditary but even if it is, you are not to blame, so shove guilt out of the door as quickly as possible. I know that I have, not-too-distant, ancestors who gambled out of control but I have never felt the need to see (or worry about) this addiction as hereditary.
Your son could not be in better hands than with you; not only did you use My Journal for your own support but you also hopped on this forum and gave excellent advice to so many for which I was thankful many, many times.
Your son’s lack of interests and friends probably left him feeling bored – as you know, gambling can appear a good escape from reality. You cannot produce friends for him but what else has he done in his life that he did enjoy?
Ask him to help you understand rather than telling him that you do. This opened doors for me because I was saying that I no longer had any have any preconceived ideas about what was right for him. I wasted too many years telling him what ‘I’ thought he needed to do, until he explained to me that my needs were not his needs.
What can I say to someone who has so much information at her finger-tips? Knowledge of the addiction to gamble is to have power over it and you have that knowledge. Let the mumma bear work her magic but direct him to all the other people who are ready and willing to support him – sometimes mumma bears can be over-the-top but I know you will be there to hug him when he is ready.
I think one of the big differences for you, is the realisation that he has to learn to trust you and for you to understand that it isn’t easy for him to do so. In my opinion, mother’s expect their sons to know they can trust them but this is not the case when this addiction rears its ugly head. Mothers feel they should have all the answers and of course, they haven’t.
I hope our time difference doesn’t mean that you are unable to join me in an F&F group. If it isn’t possible, I will keep looking for you on here and as you know, I will answer all your queries with honesty. There is no point in pussy-footing around and I know you know that too.
This is not the way I wanted to become reacquainted but as a mumma bear who did everything wrong, for all the right reasons, until she gained knowledge, I hope I can support you and see you son take control and live a wonderful life.
I’m not sure that ‘welcome back’ is the right expression to use but I know you will know what I mean.
As Ever
Velvet