Hi Sandied
Your sister undoubtedly deserves support but if your nephew does have a gambling addiction then he will also need a great deal of the right support.
In my opinion, most mothers know when their sons have a problem; they may not know what the problem is but they know that something is amiss. Not knowing, can cause a great deal of unnecessary stress leading to health problems and i speak from experience.
A gambling addiction is an unwanted, unasked for, self-destructive behaviour that needs treatment. It can start with a boy innocently placing bets, for fun, and although most people can gamble responsibly, a person with the addiction to gamble cannot. If your nephew has this problem then he needs all the support he can get and that, in my opinion, includes his mother.
I am the mother of a compulsive gambler. When I eventually knew the truth about what was hurting my son I was able to stop doing ‘all the wrong things for all the right reasons’ thus supporting him when he had the courage and determination to change his life 16 years ago. It is not your nephew’s fault if he has this addiction and it is not your sister’s fault.
Knowledge gives us power. The addiction to gamble likes secrecy because it hides the gambler’s shame and guilt and leaves it free to carry on. I would imagine that your nephew would give anything to be like other people.
Once a mother knows the truth, she can learn to stop blaming herself for the poor behaviour, in her child. I would happily support your sister on this site. Over the years countless friends and families have left this forum and groups better for having been here; they have gained knowledge and learned to accept that their loved one did nor choose to gamble, did not deliberately set out to hurt them.
There is a lot of history outlined in your post that is common in many young men who turned to gambling as an escape from reality. Sadly, it is possible that your nephew cannot walk away from a gamble until everything is lost; this is the nature of the addiction. He can however, learn to control his addiction and live a wonderful life, possibly better for owning it.
I will leave this reply here as the F&F group starts now and I am hoping that you will drop in.
Velvet