Thankyou both for the bday wishes.
My ahole boss is back from his holiday so no more quiet shop to myself. He didn’t even last 2 mins of me walking through the door without tearing a strip out of me for nothing. I had one eye open still at 630 am just blankly looking at his miserable self going like ok whatever old man not into being screamed at this early. He actually through a tantrum today like a 2 year old would because our field journeyman were still messaging me for stuff. His control issues make me want to work so much harder on myself to never become that miserable in my older age. The good news for me is he’s retiring in 2 months the bad news is this job is his identity so he’s become even more controlling knowing he’s leaving a role of being in charge. He’s afraid and I can see it but he’s taking it out on me. He also doesn’t like that I’m a woman he still hates it but yet he hasn’t let me go in 4 years because when he’s in a good mood tells me I’m valuable and a hard worker. My union told me the other day that nobody can deal with him in our industry so they’re suprised I’ve lasted as long as I have. I had to take a big look at that in itself. Im so used to abuse i don’t no any different. I guess I can handle him because that’s what I’ve been around since I was a kid. It’s familiar, it’s comfortable. When people are calm I’m waiting for them to scream and yell and snap. I thrive from the chaos of his abuse which is really messed up. The difference now is I don’t react I just ignore him mostly. I used to get on my tippy toes and get face to face to him and lose it I made him cry and coware one time in 4 years because I told him he was an abusive miserable old man who’s so insecure he has to belittle others to feel superior. He snapped in the moment but the next day apologized and was crying. The biggest thing for me that I’m trying to learn is pick my battles wisely. Be more spirtual and mindful of how I handle conflicts and difficult people. But also how to stand up for myself appropriately. Being to controlling myself will only fuel and ignite fires with difficult personalities and being that I work with all males with huge tradesman egos I have to tread lightly, but I also have to be tough. I’ve had some guys tell me I get by on my looks and some tell me I get by on my strength and ability to adapt. Because I have a psychology background I feel like I’m in a constant state of psychoanalysis at work more as a form of protection in how to react or what to say at certain times. When I was gambling i only saw red because I was depressed. I couldn’t rationalize or take the time to think about why the people I was around acted the way they did. I just would lose my mind and become defensive to everything that made me feel small. Today I don’t do that I’m so thankful my addiction has been lifted so I can think and act clearer to everyday life.