I’ve been back at home for a few days and back into my work routine. I’d be lying if I said coming home every evening isn’t hard now. Its definitely a struggle for me to be alone again as I thought it would be. My ex creepily texted me the moment I got off the plane asking to go for a walk with me and my dog this week but I didn’t reply. I’m doing much better in not letting him get to me. I haven’t seen him in about 3 or 4 weeks and mentally I’m a much better person. I was explaining to my counselor how I’m afraid to even consider that toxic relationship again as I no I’d end up in some form of addiction again trying to escape it. I’ve had zero gambling thoughts since we broke up. But I had those minor thoughts of when I used to party when he was still in my life. I now no that any form of negative relationship is my trigger point. I need to keep all toxic humans away from myself or at least learn how to better protect myself from them. Unfortunately toxic people are unavoidable in all areas of life but I can teach myself how to not get triggered and emotionally messed up everytime something negative occurs. I figured out alot of my problem is I’m an empath so I absorb people pain and energies and then I’m stuck not knowing what to do with all that inside myself. That’s why I feel a big part of me would soothe myself with addictions. So now I’m trying to channel that stuff into chord cutting through meditations and my spirtual stuff. It’s a work in progress but I’m trying everything I can to not fall into an addiction pattern again.
