I drove with my dad and stepmom through the Rocky mountains today we had 4 1/2 hours stuck in a car togeather so we were forced to talk about some issues in our lives. For the first time my dad acknowledged things from his addiction when I was a kid and some of the struggles he was going through at that time. I to talked to him about how my substance abuse started with my siblings when we were kids. But I also had to talk about how the gambling started a few years ago. He and my stepmom have been really supportive of me since I quit and even on this trip they’ve been really good with trying to help me heal through my breakup and fighting this addiction. I’ll be honest though I feel like a total loser being an adult child tagging along with my parents but I needed it to. I’m lucky my parents are in there early 60s and super fit. So we’ve been going on hikes to waterfalls all through the rockies and hitting up hotsprings, riding our bikes all over the place it’s been really nice. We stopped to see my brother and kids one more time.My brother took me out wheeling again with his side by side and he latched on to me for dear life before I left,crying. He’s a big redneck man he doesn’t cry. I wanted so badly to stay longer to just be here for him but I have to go back home tomorrow. I already feel a huge empty feeling coming over me as I just have my dog at home. Being alone is a huge trigger for me especially now that I’ve spent time with my family that I have a closeness with. I have to force myself back into my life routine and just keep my head up. This is the hard part of recovery sometimes is trying to fight through the emotional times even when there postive ones. One thing helping me stay positive is I met this women last night who was a refugee staying in a hotel in radium hot springs she was over here alone barely spoke English. Her son was fighting in the war. I watched her sit at a table with this empty sadness to her as you could see she’s lost everything. In that moment I said to myself I have so much to be thankful for in my life my own pain doesn’t even remotely compare to what that woman has experienced. I’m so glad I met her as she taught me such a valuable lesson in what real strength and fight looks like. She made me want to be a better and stronger woman.
