Well, I had three days off this week and what was usually a time of relapse and depression has now become triumph and reflection. I always dread the days off because I know that the triggers will always be there, but this time I took out my day timer in the morning, first thing, and made a list of what I needed to do that day. Organization and sense of purpose are always good motivation and it works for me. I managed to get all of my floors washed and cleaned and it felt good. The second day was laundry and bathrooms and a little food prep so I was really feeling good. Yesterday was some things off of the list of “to dos” and I am up and feeling good about my progress. It’s all well and good to not gamble when you are physically unable to but it is harder, for me, to not gamble when I am not restrained from doing so by work or other responsibilities. This was a triumph for me and a marker in my progress. I have also taken the only means of gambling – my daughters old laptop- and put it in the garage. It is in a container with some other old things and it is out of reach. It is harder to justify picking it up if I have to go outside and into the garage and dig for it. I am hoping that the extra effort will give me time to change my mind. I am feeling good about my progress this last few weeks and I believe that I am on my way to a more permanent recovery path than before. My brain doesnt think about gambling in the same way it used to and that gives me reason to feel good about my thought patterns. I am using my time to do things that will make me feel good about myself and being creative at righting my previous wrongs so things are good at this end. I have stopped counting the days that I am gamble free and started counting the things I am feeling good about. It has been over three weeks since I have gambled and I believe that I am very happy about that. I hope that everyone is strong and gamble free today
