I’m really grateful right now for the work I’ve done in my therapy as its made things alot easier for me to handle. My counselor told me anyone else who’s going through the majority of what I am right now usually ends up in the psych ward. Especially if it’s pertaining to abandonment. He explained that the EMDR is what’s helped me. I do feel I should be worse than I am. I’ve just reached a level of acceptance in my life where I can literally just say it is what it is to everything. I have bad days alot but they don’t last long. I make sure to get up and go for my walk every morning rain or shine before work at 530am just to clear my head. And at night before bed, I do my walk and I’ve been doing meditation practices. I taught myself hypnosis and deep meditation years ago when I wrote papers on the benefits of hypnosis and meditation for PTSD. I stopped doing that stuff the last few years. I feel that it’s really helping me stay more emotionally balanced. I may feel sad but thats to be expected as someone who’s technically in a form of “morning” from a loss of a major relationship. If I didn’t feel anything then I’d be concerned about my emotional sobriety. One of my best friends just told me she ended her relationship with a guy she was seeing. And as much as I feel sad for her I was glad to because now we get to have the single life together and have the girly adventures we deserve. It doesn’t happen to often where two friends are single at the same time in my age range so I’m taking advantage of it and planing us some exciting things to do this summer. That to me is the best form of healing is getting those bonds with your bestfriends and just living life to its fullest. I’ve spent so much time in the last 2 years depressed and not wanting to live life that I’m finally feeling like myself again. I’ve planned trips to the mountains to go hiking in the glaciers and float down the rivers, and concerts in other cities, and day trips to explore the beautiful island I live on. Im hoping to take a good trip up to my favorite spot to go surfing again soon as I got my board and wet suit out of my storage unit now. I’m just excited to live again I’m so glad this horrible addiction is out of mind now so that I’m focused on the important things for myself now. Recovery is painful as hell but it’s so worth it when you get through the darker side of it. It does get better.
