today was one of the bad days, where I have no motivation to do anything, I found it hard to do the smallest tasks at work, and at home I just browsed youtube aimlessly for hrs, overwhelmed by thinking about my financial issues and all the other issues that caused by gambling.
I have a bad track record of 20+ relapses in just 2 years, this keeps me unmotivated, I am GF for a month now, normally by then I would have plans, and goals, I would have started dieting again, and I would have joined the GYM, and my focus at work would have been better. but this time I have no motivations to put any plans or to do anything really I am just passing time.
I really don’t think I can survive another relapse, so I have to get it right this time.
I am thinking about what I have to do to solve my issues and start enjoying life again, it is short and meaningless in the long term but at least I need to live to the max before I die. it is depressing that I have wasted all these years on this addiction and it is more depressing that I need another few years to recover from it and from its impact on my life.
I usually give an example to my friends about life, it is like you are playing a cards game, each one will have his set of cards ( say wealth, health, …etc), and we all playing this life game, the game itself is meaningless and whether you are the winner or the loser is meaningless also, what is meaningful is to enjoy the game.
life is about playing the game and enjoying it,
yes I am forced to play it but I am so far from enjoying it.
I need to accept my situation as bad as it is and start enjoying life again, yes I got a very bad hand, and I played it wrongly, but this is the game I have to continue playing and I have to enjoy it too.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Dark Energy.