I forget sometimes that even after I leave my counselor, or finishing doing my stepwork, that whatever I’m working on still is processing. Healing from addiction and trauma is a long and exhausting process. I can’t even go grocery shopping without needing to run through the store because all the people give me such bad anxiety. Monday was a holiday here so the day I went to do my shop the stores were jam packed. I ended up crying in my car because it was so difficult for me to be in the store. It’s embarrassing that I get that overwhelmed but it’s a reality of mine. My counselor is trying to teach me to calm my mind and body down because of my cptsd I’m in high alert all the time. Everything I do is fast which makes me a really good worker but I end up burned out constantly because I don’t stop to slow down enough. In my general life being in high alert like I am all the time makes me tired to. Because I’m still doing alot of trauma processing everything is alot for me. People especially are alot but I force myself to have interactions with my close friends,and talk to friends everyday afterwork. Having patience with this whole process of healing is the best thing I can do for myself. I’m grateful for my counselor, sponsor, and friends for getting me through my rough days.
