[Losingitslowly]

It’s so hard for me to come and admit to.you all that I am screwing up so often, but I am. I dont know what is getting me to relapse so often. I am a mess at this point and will not be able to make my financial obligations this month. I was fine and I had just enough to get by. I had a calm feeling about it and then I gambled yesterday and blew all that I had to pay some bills. It’s like I want to hurt myself. I want to cause myself stress and anxiety. I need to look a bit harder into the logic of why I do what I do. Am I hurting myself on purpose? What am I guilty of? I know that I was feeling some hurt over not being able to afford some things that I wanted for outside, but then I go and make my situation worse???? Any clues?