Writing for accountability:
Another day down and no gambling. I should be happy about it but my husband found out about my gambling (5 days ago) & using all the money we had before I came clean to him. Needless to say he was not happy. He even told me that he is losing love for me each time. I don’t blame him at all but of course I am devastated. He is literally the ONLY person in my life who has never judged me and has always stood by me. I honestly don’t know what I would do if he walked away. Which is why I don’t know how I can do this to him. I can’t lose him. He really gave it to me this morning. It was eelxtremely hard to hear because I do feel like there is some judgement but that’s human nature. Of course I don’t expect him to understand. I need to find other venues to get out the energy I spend gambling. Maybe walking, going back to doing my arts and crafts, taking my kids to the park, working some over-time…and I’m sure there are many other things I can do. My husband is going ti handle ALL the money at this point. I’m handing in all debit and ccredit cards and will just be using cash. I have to do what I have to do and that makes me feel good about not being able to give in to the urge. Now to find a therapist so I can get whatever issues I have from growing up and now out in the open to deal with that. Life goes on.