Thanks for you kind words Kin.
I’m not feeling the greatest the last few days. I saw my counselor the other day and I just finished writing out my stepwork last night but I just feel sad. I cried on my way to work today and again when I got home. I have good and bad days like everyone else. I’m struggling alot with being let down by people in my life. Especially when people tell me there here for me then arent. I also found out my general foreman took credit for a welding job I did. I was humiliated that he could do that to me. I’ve had issues with him since the day I met him but he pretends to care about my well being at times. I thought I could trust him as the person that taught me alot of what I no, but for him to tell our entire company that he did something I did was just wrong. I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am and even harder to get respect being female. I’m trying to be understanding that maybe he felt threatened at my abilities. I notice he’s even upset that I can take over his position that he asked me to do while he’s away. He’s 63 and been doing it for 30 plus years. I’m 34 and he’s had an issue with me being a woman since day one yet never wanted to let me go he always found a way to get me back after I’d finish each year I had in school. I just don’t get why someone wouldn’t be proud instead holds a grudge at me for doing better or having the skills to do good in his foreman roll. Maybe it’s an ego thing since that’s been his identity forever. I dont no im just fed up with people treating me like shit all the time. This is partially why I ended up with this addiction in the first place. I was trying to escape all the bullshit let downs from other humans and pain in my life. I want so badly to be able to trust other people but it’s really hard when I keep getting let down all the time. I no the answer lies in connecting to my sprirtual outlet. That’s the stuff I was working on in my stepwork last night. But I’m still human and have emotions I guess im just allowing myself to feel what’s going on around me. My counselor said once I fully heal from my traumas the bullshit that surrounds my life will start to disappear. He explained that he would have constant crap happen to that no one would believe until his traumas resided. Unfortunately I have alot to undo so its going to be a long process but at least I’m trying and I’m not hiding under an addiction anymore so that this stuff will finally stop haunting me and causing me to attract chaos unconsciously.