Feeling a bit like I need to do something different with my life. All I do is fight every day. I fight too hard to get nowhere but when I let my guard down I slip back in. I am tired of standing on the edge of the quicksand, pulling hard to just stay out. It takes all of my thoughts, all of my energy, and it gets me no where but on the edge of the quicksand. One wrong move and I slip back in…..I want a life away from the edge. I have to think about something else. I need another goal. I want more. I am thinking that I need another routine. A routine that includes doing more than simply surviving this horrible addiction and doing something meaningful. You know it’s bad when you mark the time in your week by the number of days until garbage day. I am doing that. I stand in my kitchen thinking that, geez, it’s two days until garbage day, boy the week went fast. Great life, huh?. I do not want to be the food for this addiction because I am nothing else anymore. I cry as I write this because I relapsed last night because I was alone. All I could think about when I got in the house was a try at a game. I Wanted to have something else in my day other than work and dinner. It shows me that I need something else other than gambling as my only out from my pathetic day. I am going to think.long and hard about what else I need to do to get my life on another track. Have a good day everyone.
