Today I’m super exhausted I’m trying to do more than I’m capable of. I can’t get any help at work because we don’t have the man power and everything I’m working on is super heavy metal thats alot of physical work. Now that I’m In a foreman position I’m expected to take on everything and that’s fine but sometimes we need help but there’s just not enough skilled workers where I live. Im super strong and capable but im still a woman and my muscle strength isnt that of a guy and I no that, but I hold my own as long as I can.I can’t get any help working on my cottage either as everyone I no is struggling working to much and tired so I’m stuck doing everything myself. I’m trying to do repairs and paint the cottage I’m moving into which has become a nightmare since the last tenant destroyed it. I dropped to my knees about an hour ago trying to prime one of the rooms for painting I’m so physically spent I was about to get sick. I’m pushing myself because I have to have my stuff out of storage by the end of May. The last tenant put up a fight for the last 5 months and still hasn’t removed all the hoarded garbage. I spend 5 days straight removing it to outside. I’m happy that I’m skilled trades wise so I can do things myself but it’s tough. These are the times that I wish I had a guy around to help. I’d ask my ex but he’s being a jerk again and has switched personalitie. We were on good terms but his brain injury makes him turn into different people kind of like dissociative identity disorder. That in itself is exhausting for me to deal with so I’m keeping my distance from him. These are the days that I have to just accept that I’m doing the best I can. And I need to rest or I’m going to be completely useless. Even being physically as fit as I am can fail when I over work myself and I have to just let myself stop to recuperate. Having an addict brain makes it hard to just rest especially when I no I got 5 million things to do but I have to practice my spirtual principles to calm my mind down. When I used to get overwhelmed and exhausted like this it made me want to gamble in the past. I don’t feel that way now but I still feel I need to talk about what’s going on with myself so that in an off moment my brain doesn’t go to those thoughts. One day at a time.
