I just read your reply Losingitslowly, and I must say, you are great/excellent at knowing exactly what needs to be said and saying it. You are on point with everything you said, especially the not continuously punching yourself in the face until you are unrecognizable (that is deep). This addiction can and will do that to you if you let it. You can become an ugly person that can no longer be recognized by those who used to know and love you.
I am in pain right now, but I am also numb (the numbing is an attempt for me to try and limit the pain I feel from this). I have lost all my money at this point and am basically back to nothing financially. Mother’s day is coming up (which is going to be a sad time for me (because I won’t be able to give my mom anything) due to the poor decisions I have made). To be honest, being unemployed and being broke (after losing what I had due to the gambling addiction), I am not sure what I am going to do next or how I am going to recover. My only hope currently seems to be in prayer. Of course I will put in effort to better my life, but it appears that options are very limited at the moment. It almost seems as if there is no way out of this if I am being honest (it feels like I will be stuck being a broke addict (and even if I do somehow beat this addiction, it feels like I’m still going to be stuck being broke regardless)).