I’m sorry that this happened to you again but you need to get your head out of your ass. You dont need to lose everything to realize you have a problem and that you need to stop. There are no people that can play those odds and still live a productive life. You will win and you will lose. That’s the game. You are still focusing on the winning so much that the system in your head seems viable. I know that if I put enough money into a slot machine that I will hit a bonus eventually and probably win some of it back, maybe more, but if I keep playing the slot machine will take it all back. Same with cards. The odds will be with you and then against you at some point. The problem with compulsive behavior is that you cant stop when it’s in your favor. You will play until you can no longer play. It will all be gone. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can move on. I understand thoroughly the feelings that you are dealing with and in your head you keep thinking that “but I do win so if I can just learn to win and quit I can make this work”. You cant learn to just walk away if you are a compulsive gambler and you have to make the decision now if you are going to keep going until you are broke and in a desperate situation or are you going to walk away, pick up the pieces and move on. That’s what I did. I didnt have to lose everything to realize that my situation was getting critical and I am at the point where I have injured my finances but they are not broken. Dont keep punching yourself in the face until you are unrecognizable. You are bloody and beaten, but you will heal. Put all of that energy spent trying to beat the systems to a better use. You cant and wont win in the long run. Hope you are better today.
