Thanks for what you said Kin. Recovery is about what you put into it that’s for sure. Some days are insanely hard because emotions like to run rampant for someone like myself. I’ve been through alot of things in my life. To be honest the bad outways the good but I’m hoping with me pushing so hard to get myself healed from complex PTSD I will start having a better life and attract more positive experiences. Unfortunately when people have been extremely traumatized like myself unconsciously we attract the same cycles but I’m trying to break that now. Every addiction I’ve had was trying to mask the pain I was in. I’m still in pain but I’m better than I was. I’m facing things instead of running away from it. Playing victim to my life circumstances isn’t serving me any purpose, and it just keeps leading me to this self destructing place. When I was young I wanted to be a professional dancer (not a stripper to clarify lol). But I ruined that opportunity do to my lack of confidence and partying antics. I mention this because I took alot of wrong turns trying to run from myself. I have accomplished goals like going to college 3 times but I’m never settled. I always want to no more or learn different things because I get bored in my careers. I never thought I’d be a sheet metal/metal fabricator but here I am lol. I got the opportunity to run my companys shop now for awhile which is a huge step for me. I’m the only female in my company and the only female journeymen they’ve ever had so its pretty crazy for me to think about. The fact that I got my ticket during the early days of my gambling recovery amazes the crap out of me. But my brains already wanting a career change lol. Now I’m thinking of learning more trades just to be more well rounded. My goal is to get my automotive ticket as well. Ive wanted to build custom cars from the ground up since I was a little girl. Hopefully now that my heads clear I can do that before my body decides it hates hard labor. 4 years ago I was a careaid, and a mental health worker it blows my mind that I did a 360 to a man’s world career but it was a challenge. I almost gave up during my gambling stint in my current career because I was so depressed all the time and I get abused alot at work so I couldn’t deal with anything. But now I handle my triggers better so its easier dealing with a crazy old man that screams and belittles all day. I’m just grateful for the opportunities I have now and the goals in my recovery and my professional life.
