Its Monday morning and the start of a new week and month for me ( and you of course)and I am struggling to make all of the financial payments required at the first of the month. I have a deep sadness at the lack of funds on hand for my daughters birthday coming up and for mothers day and 3 more birthdays this month. The expenses seem endless and then I remember my relapse. I lost a bunch if money that I had put aside and I then feel more determined to make it through this month somehow. I know that I have less funds because I am paying off debt. I know that I am catching up on outstanding amounts and that I will have a better month this month and next if I stay away from the slots. I know that I dont have one penny to put into them at this point and I feel a bit of relief. I have family that can help.if times get too rough but I wont ask them. I must ride out the hard times because this is what will keep me realizing what my actions have done to my situation. It is not without hardship and I almost enjoy it at times because it takes my focus away from gambling and keeps it on recovery. I am going to be gamble free today because I have no choice and because I choose to be. It can be noth at the same time and knowing that is calming. My regard s to everyone who has to make it through the end of the month financial crunch and if it causes discomfort, use this to propel you into a month of recovery. It will get better in time. You didnt get this way in one month and it will take more than one month to get yourself out. ( me talking to myself) . Happy Monday everyone and may May be a month of triumph.
