@ Losingitslowly, you are absolutely right.
Many times this thought creeps into my head: “The gambling itself wasn’t wrong, it was just that I lost, but had I won…”
That is always how the addiction creeps its way back into my life. I’ll start to think that if I had done something differently such as sitting at a different table, going at a different time, leaving earlier, etc etc, then I would have won and wouldn’t be in this or that predicament (I turn it into me losing being the problem rather than gambling being a sick addiction). All of those scenarios play out in my head.
I don’t know if banning will work for me. I don’t gamble online, my problem is the casino. I’ve banned myself before and when I banned myself I still drove to further casinos.
I don’t think banning is the solution for me. I have to get back to how I was before, and that is, being able to not gamble/ place bets even when the option to is right there (this is how I was for a good period of time, but I believe what triggered the casino relapses was when I got into stock/option trading). I also need to get back into the mindset that money is something that needs to be earned and it takes time to earn, because when I gamble, I always convince myself that I deserve better than to work hard for my money since I have had such a difficult life up to this point. I convince myself things like the casino owes me or I deserve easy money or my strategies need to work, etc.
Anywho, I am working on staying away, and think it will be easier to do so when I find some consistent means of income, as I am currently unemployed (and not getting unemployment due to them being “backed up”).
Thank you again for your response. It gives me more points to reflect on in terms of this horrible addiction and how to defeat it.