I had a much better day today. I decided to make a little intervention with my crew this morning and discuss the issues that were causing tension with everyone. I no if I wasn’t there the guys wouldn’t bat an eyelash at trying to get along better but I explained to them that it’s making everyone on edge and uncomfortable not getting along and our work is sloppy because everyone’s pissed off and not properly communicating. All the guys agreed that we have to work better togeather on this job as its hectic already so we need to get along better. By early morning everyone was laughing and joking around and we were much faster and efficient because we all communicated what was going on through the day regarding our tasks. I felt relieved and extremely grateful that I spoke up instead of fearing potential backlash. I see improvement with myself already since I’ve been in counseling. I took a bad situation and decided to make a change. I had planed on potentially leaving today if the discussion didn’t go well. I figured why put myself through more bs there’s tons of work where I live. I’m super happy that I’m learning to stand up for myself in a more positive manner. My old techniques of lashing out like I used to just make others get more defensive so today I decided a different approach of being assertive and saying what I need to instead of hiding my feelings. If I was still gambling and in my addictive depression mode there’s no way I would of had the guts to speak up today.i would of continued being angry and resentful. Doing my step 4 on resentments the other day really made me remeber that I have to do a daily inventory regarding my own defects of character. Because if I don’t I’m liable to slip into my addiction again as stressful life situations are what led me to relapse into gambling in the first place.
Today I’m grateful for being assertive. I’m grateful for the work I’m doing in my recovery. I’m grateful for another day addiction free.