I joined this forum and started this thread a year and a half ago. I’ve quit six times since then. I found a new job and did some work on my house. The pandemic changed all our lives. My Mom got cancer, her dementia progressed, she came to live with me, the cancer came back and she passed away in November. I have joined a nature club, made new friends, let other connections fade away. My guinea pigs both passed away and I have two cats now.
All of this has happened but I am still an addict. Still in debt. Still trying to change.
I am on day 54. I am convinced that if I can make it to 90 days I have a real shot at recovery. So far my longest stretch has been 89 days. (I have trouble forgiving myself for not making it just one more day). I check the “days free” counter on my phone and think there must be a mistake. Surely it’s been longer than that. Every day feels like an eternity.
This….is…..so….very….hard. This is a struggle. There are no easy ways through this. I have to slog through every day. Some days I rage against the urges and some days I roll over and ride the waves of despair.
I truly believe I can do this. I have learned something from every failed attempt. I put more barriers in place with each attempt. I get rid of what didn’t work and try new things. I will succeed this time…..or I will try again and again and again.
Tomorrow is day 55.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by Rosey Posey.