Hi Jvr3419,
thank you for your encouraging words, and I guess yes I am a bit late in many life aspects but I hope eventually I will catch up.
the loneliness is a very sad part but I can’t bring anyone to this mess.
and the question is to hide it in the beginning then break it down slowly ?? because who needs to get engaged with a gambling addict!!.
a supportive partner is very helpful in recovery, especially for the part of controlling the access to money, but this is fine for those who become addicted after years of happy marriage, but for me how I will bring someone into this mess, Who will accept to marry a gambling addict!.
then the second questing will be : Is it good to hide my addiction until I get marride, then break it down to her slowly. this was the plan 3 months ago I was in relation and I was about to propose to her but I have entered to gambling cycle that kept my mind busy and away from everyone, I was barely working, and I was not speaking to her and I didn’t respond to her calls because I was really down and that ruined everything. we have ended it before we start.
anyhow I watched one SMART recovery video, the therapist was asking his patient what are your priorities in life, their answers were something like a family, work, …etc but no one put recovering from addiction as one of his priorities, he mentioned that recovering from addiction should be the first priority because addiction will ruin everything and you will not be able to achieve any of your goals or live a happy life.
and he is damn right, in each cycle of relapse all my plans will be F up, I will start eating a lot of junk food with no exercise, in each relapse cycle that will continue 2 to 3 weeks I end up gaining 4 to 5 kg, my focus of work goes to 5% I bearly was able to work on the very very urgent things, my social life is down to zero, even speaking to my family will be like once a week instead of daily. everything will be F up once the cycle starts.
and I guess this should be my focus, no big goals or hopes, just one goal being free of gambling and then everything will be better.
today is Day#2 and I hope this count will continue to 1000 days, I guess such a period is what I need to catch up in life, and if I relapsed after that: I am ok, I can accept it. by then will have a good support system that will prevent a relapse from destroying my life.