Thanks njp for the encouragement. I took a much needed day off yesterday to spend time with my sisters and parents as we executed a surprise birthday party for my mom. It was like a military exercise. My mom is always in charge of everything that goes on with the family and didn’t want a party this year so we went against her wishes and did what we wanted and she loved it!. I have not spent a lot if time with my sisters over the last few years due to my gambling, and it’s nice to spend time with them until the inevitable happens and someone starts talking about how well they are doing. My brother in law was showing pictures of the new renovations he is making to their bathroom and the green eyed monster reared its ugly head. I am barely keeping my head above water due to my gambling and although things are getting better, I still feel like crap. I hate that I cant feel happy for my sisters when something good happens to them. I feel jealousy. I wasnt like that to this degree before, but my addiction has made my self image and self confidence plummet to almost zero. I have gained weight steadily over the past few years and feel ashamed of this as well. I need to start working on making me feel better about me so that I can feel happiness for others as well. It’s TRUE that you cannot love others until you love yourself. I woke this morning with all of these thoughts present and swirling and it is making me dizzy. I have work today in the afternoon and am going to put that in the place in my mind where it belongs. It is 6 hours of this day, no more and no less. I will not think about it after that. It is not important enough to occupy more than that. I am going to try a more rounded approach to my day and my life each day by making me a part of the planning. I am trying to lay plan to paper so here’s hoping I can do it. I hope that you are strong and gamble free today.
