I’m the type of person who will research something to death till I understand it to the core. Since my gambling addiction started in 2020 I have watched hundreds of videos and read every article my brain could absorb on gambling addiction. The more I understand it the more I feel I’m able to stay away from it. However the hard part for me though is I’m still fighting with the consequences of it. No matter what I do people keep reminding me that I lost all that money. It’s frustrating when your trying to recover from any addiction and people constantly throw it in your face. When I quit drinking and doing drugs nobody asked how many beer I drank or how many joints I smoked or how many lines I did. But for some reason I get the same shit from people how much money do you have left everyday. Gambling is by far the worst addiction in my experience for judgement. I have to constantly remind myself I’m doing the best I can and that I can’t change the fincial losses. I keep telling people that question my finances that its literally just paper. I didn’t throw away a human being over a bridge I gambled paper made from a f$&*ing tree. It was my money I didn’t steal it or get it in some sleezy way it was my own personal finances. The only person effected by my financial decision was my ex since hes broke and my money was all we had together. Other than him its really nobody elses problem. I dont have the mental ability to continue letting the loss consume me. Im trying to move on but societies pressures to be measured by what successes you have fincially are tearing apart my brain because of others constant criticism. I really hope my therapy will help me fully heal from caring what others think of me because it’s driving me crazy inside. I stay grounded really well for the most part but I definitely get triggered by the constant questions about my money situation. Maybe I should start asking everyone else how much money they got in there bank account and see how they feel being asked that constantly. I really don’t no what to do about it other than vent it out and move on from the negative judgements. Nobody wants to be an addict or in the amount of pain we’re in to sink to the depths of the addiction. The fact the were trying to heal and be better is what’s important.
Today I’m grateful for spending time with my bestfriend. I’m grateful for the awesome cupcakes I treated myself to. I’m grateful for the beautiful ocean I live next to as it helps me clear my mind.