Hi losing in slowly I feel alot of empathy for what your going through. I remember those times of feeling angry when I would have a lapse. The expression hunk of crap really resignated with me because that’s what I used as an expression in my first treatments with my counselor. Basically with the type of therapy I’m doing is you visualize an image and do this rapid eye movement throughout your brain then you do it with all your organs its part of a Chinese medicine approach to EMDR treatments. But the very first thing I said is I just have all this crap in my head there’s so much of it. So we started with a visual of the statement and ran it throughout my system and that opened the flood gates to the rest of my trauma stuff over time. It really is just alot of crap floating around inside when being trapped in an addiction cycle. I remeber my counselor saying to me for the first while is that while your in your addiction cycle you can’t believe or pay attention to anything you say or do because your not right in the head till you have some proper clarity away from the addiction. Hence that brain fog feeling. What made me stop for good in the beginning is I locked away all my electronic devices at night when I was bored or alone. Opening the cupboard I put then in was a reminder to not open that pandoras box. I did this till I had some good time in with my counseling and got to the route of my issues.
