I have no doubt that you are a good and warm person. I can hear it in your posts. I was only saddened and concerned about some of the darker leanings of your posts and wanted to try to tell you, without sounding hokey, that there is the possibility of hope and love with each day, but you need to be looking for it, hence, looking ahead. I am going through a dark period (and I am immensely positive, so this is an exceptional time) and I tried to find something or someone to blame for me not being like everyone else. I have had eating disorders, addictions and too many bad relationships to count, and I want to have an easy life, like all the other people around me. Or so I thought. It took me a while to see that my issues where mine, but other had there own. It seems like no one sails through life without a cross to bear. If I hadnt achieved what I had hoped it was because I hadnt tried as hard as others. If I didnt have a successful relationship it was because I either picked the wrong one or didnt try as hard as I should. It is me. I am the common denominator in all of my issues and I have truly started to believe that as a survivor of abuse I could survive anything that life had to offer, but was only in survival mode for way too long. At some point in my life I have to become responsible for myself but didnt take full responsibility for my choices or my actions. I am no longer the child that can be tormented and abused. I am no longer at the mercy of others. I can influence my life and direction by acknowledging my own power. You can too and it looks like you are. What was done to you most likely is a distant memory to those who inflicted the pain. Same here. They are most likely dead. I think it is time for me to put if all to rest as well and start taking responsibility for my life and my actions. I hope that you are strong today and that love touches your heart.
