I’ve been having a bad week. That is all inclusive, but my self control seems to be at an all time low. I came home last night from work where, by all accounts, I had a good day. I had the house to myself and there was a storm brewing outside which was dumping freezing rain and lots of snow. I had my odd little dinner of bits and pieces and for no reason at all, started to surf for online casinos that I could play on. I didnt even bat an eye. I have noticed that my ability to focus and process things had been much slower lately, and I’m not sure if it’s because I am trying to do too many things at one time and age has hampered my multitasking abilities, or if I have just lost that edge that makes it possible for you to stick with things for the sheer joy of being consistent. I am and always have been a list person. My daytimer was my bible. I would write not only everything I had to do, but everything I have done as well so I could check back and see how much I could accomplish in a day. Last year, in January, I tore out my kitchen floor a bit at a time every day after work and on my day off, reinstalled the sub floor and retiled, all while working every day. I have lost something this last year and I believe that it has something to do with my brain activity and gambling. It is actually harming my brain!!! I still have a daytimer but will go days without even opening it. I start all kinds of projects but never finish them. MY CHRISTMAS TREE IS STILL UP. what has become of my will? Gambling is robbing me of one of the things that has allowed me to be me. I cry at that. I am not old enough to have my abilities taken away from me. I have become an average employee on a good day. I used to be one of the best. I am not always there for my daughter. I am jeopardizing our future financially. I am not the person I used to be before gambling and it has taken a long time for me to realize it. I am at a point where I am not going to be able to exist like this anymore. I am very tired and very concerned about where i am headed. It seems as though the last few days are an indicator of hat my life shall progress to if i dont try to focus more on myself and start to challenge myself to be more restrictive about what i do. I talk about the journey and life. My journey is one of distracted driving. I’m doing all things at the same time and am headed for a crash soon if I dont get control of the car back. It’s all fine and good to be talking about looking ahead, but I have my eyes closed. I need to practice what I preach and to all, I hope that I can reach out to you daily for strength and guidance because I know that I will need it.
