Hi losingitslowly thanks for your message. I agree that living in the past to much is dangerous for moving into a better mindset. Unfortunately doing trauma therapy does that though it brings up everything. I may sound worse than I am in my everyday life when I post. I’m actually really positive and cheerful during the day most days. I struggle at night though because of going through the grief losing my relationship so when I write my posts its usually at night when I’m alone and feeling sad. That’s why I post though because I need to get those thoughts out at that time so I dont gamble. The reason I’m doing trauma therapy is so I dont continue gambling, having this complex ptsd label is tough because what it means is that I’ve lived in this survival mode where I’m in constant fight or flight. It’s just how my brain developed so by doing this process where I’m reliving and remember my bad past its allowing me to grieve and process those things now. Once this cycle of grief is over it no longer will be sitting in my unconscious waiting to take over. This bad dark place I’m in is only temporary. And I’m actually managing alot better than I would of before. The fact that I haven’t gambled is telling me that the process is working. Because I’m not numbing myself to what I’m feeling I’m just allowing myself to go through it. Unfortunately I have alot to process which takes time. But I have goals, I have money, I have a good career I’m doing well for the most part. I just feel and express emotions very intensly.
